Addicts know very well the difference between one moment’s decision and the consistency of a lifetime. This is one of the gifts of being an addict. An addict knows that most of the time decisions made in our heads, stay there and hold no consistency. I find that when people say that when they decide something they do it, they are mostly referring to small stuff that holds no emotional baggage, such as put the garbage out every night. Something very different is being a stutter and make the decision that you will talk in public or stop taking a drug that somehow began to represent your entire happiness.
In my opinion there is no weak or strong will. There is only attachment and the level of your attachment. Anyone with the same level of attachment will be as addicted and will not be able to maintain his/her decision consistently.
However, we do want to find a way to loosen the attachment to whatever you can’t change permanently. First and foremost we must dispel this idea that something can be permanently changed. The world and ourselves are in constant change and we are ephemeral.
I also would like to remind you of a metaphor that I find fits our conversation perfectly. If you think of the titanic, they tried to turn the ship when they saw the iceberg, but ships turn slow and so they crashed. But they still were able to turn a little. The same happens with us. We turn very slowly when it comes to change. We feel like we may change from one moment to another, but in fact our ship has been turning already for a while but it is so slowly that very often we don’t even notice it. Suddenly, we shift and change happens, but preparation has been grooming already for a while.
Why we change so slowly? I believe it to be because we have so many different aspects in our lives that we focus on, that we can’t simply focus unique- and exclusively on one aspect. If our focus would be total we would steadily and consistently turn that ship. and if we would crash we would get back on the business of turning.
I believe addicts understand that one of the things that makes us go back to drugs is to lose our focus in some daily activity. As we are distracted the strength of the craving hits us unexpectedly and we crash.
The most important thing is to realize that it is not the moment, in which we crashed where we have failed but rather on the focus. We didn’t became master of our focus and it danced freely without any precise direction. Being a master of your focus is a rather difficult issue. And maybe this is why the turning seems so hard, like we are moving so heavily and slowly.
One moment’s decision is nothing more than an intellectual exercise. Now the consistency of a life time is a focus exercise, an exercise of skillfully project your attention to one specific point you want or take that attention away from something. And that is what is hard: to want to practice.
Self Growth | Ego Dissolution | Lea Autumn | Spirituality
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