Winter more than any other season teaches us about death and release. The death of plants and animals to let new ones be born. New plants and animals will hold more suitable genes for their species’ survival. In the same way we can die within ourselves to allow for something new to be born. I am referring to a symbolic death.
I want to take you through a journey, that will perhaps be a little scary or weird. However, if you are willing come along!
I am assuming here you can remember your dreams. If you can, I am sure you already had the experience where you woke up from a dream and the dream was so intense that the feelings of fear, sadness or anger still stayed with you even though you were already awake. Only with time you realize it was a just a dream, it was not real, only then the emotion disappears and you move back to your daily affairs.
Now we are going to take this information and apply it to our awaken lives. Here it is not about identifying whether something is real or not. This is not our focus, it isn’t relevant. We will only be looking at the fact that only when we understand that the dream was just a story, we will be able to detach from the feeling that arose.
Dying within ourselves is not really about the dissolving of an ego, because there was never one in the first place. There was only the attachment to the story. Lea does that, Lea does this, Lea is so and so, Lea suffers from this or that, Lea loves this or that, Lea belongs to this or that. This is the story we tell, an enormous and complex plot of past, present and future stories. We tell stories of our heroic being and how we go through difficult hardships, we tell the stories of what made us happy or unhappy. We tell love stories, comedies and tragedies. We may tell them in a poetic prose or as a dry academic paper, but we tell. We tell others, we tell ourselves, we tell the gods and share it with our pets.
We tell again and again almost in fear we would forget about our story, we would forget ourselves. The problem is that, just like the dream, we probably would.
This is one of our greatest fears about death. We do not want to be forgotten, we want people to say in our funeral how amazing we were and how they will always remember us.
I am not saying that wanting to be remembered is a bad thing, honestly I don’t care. Understanding that you are just a story also does not change the level of your attachment to it. In the same way when you wake up from a dream you hold a residual effect, even though you already now it was just a dream. The residual effect will depend on the intensity of the dream. In the same way the level of your attachment to your story will determine your readiness to die to yourself.
I found, throughout my life, that there are stories we easily detach from and others we will suppress and protect at all times, but this winter journey may help us to let some stories die and tell them no longer, and allow for a freer butterfly to rise in spring.
Self Growth | Ego Dissolution | Lea Autumn | Spirituality
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