To The Hidden Lover, Whom I Love and Fear

Dear Joker,

I thought you were something evil. I didn’t know at the time that there was no evil. I didn’t know you held the greatest form of love. The only love worth loving: the love for truth.

The more I rejected you, the more you showed me your face.I thought you wanted me to feel ashamed, to look like a fool in front of others.

I thought you were destroying every achievement and choice I had made.

I thought you have come to show me my loneliness, my ugliness, to enhance the great fool I have inside.

But I was wrong my dear friend. You stripped me off of my masks and it was in my nakedness that I saw the true me.
When I thought I was greatly admired, you showed me that no one cared.

When I thought I was achieving something you showed me I was pursuing emptiness.

When I thought I was getting somewhere you showed me I had not even began.

When I thought I was better than others, you showed me I was nothing. Nothing at all and in that nothing I became freer. Destroy my walls my dear one, make me look as foolish and stupid as you wish.

You know that the more you act, the closer to your own death you are. However, you can’t stop our dance and I can’t stop you. For now, my dearest we have a lot of work in front of us.

Teach me to laugh at myself as you do. Even though you are part of me I cannot see the truths you see.

Dance with me my dearest friend, play as if you are having fun, while you are cleaning my fakeness, destroying all my morals and reflecting my inconsistencies back at me.

My lovely Joker I am afraid of you. Your irony, your treacherous guidance, your trickster smile. Nonetheless I need to welcome you into my life. I want the whole of you until there is nothing left in both of us.

With love,




Self Growth | Ego Dissolution | Lea Autumn | Spirituality

#SelfGrowth | #EgoDissolution | #LeaAutumn | #Spirituality

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