This last few weeks I have been dancing with the idea of freedom. I always talk about my path and journey towards freedom. It certainly feels like it is a journey, but I am starting to see on a more serious note that it is not a journey.
Freedom, I am starting to discover, it is not a path, it is not a journey. It is rather something inherent to every being. If I am freedom why can’t I feel I am already free?
I have come to believe this past weeks that I fear freedom. Accepting the freedom in us is utterly scary, and its acceptance brings consequences that we may not want to deal with.
If I accept that I am free, I need to accept that I am not imprisoned to a role or personality. If I accept my freedom I will know that I do not need to have a job I don’t like, or be in a relationship that I does not make me happy. I realize I may need nothing nor anybody to be complete, this idea is very scary. How can I live without money? How can I be supported if I don’t have friends or family? How can I survive if I don’t have shelter nor food?
If I realize that I am already free and that I can choose freedom anytime I desire, I will have to choose those freedom choices. I will have to change the perspective, such as, I can’t do something because society does not accept that. I will be able to see – what I already know – that roles and personalities are descriptions. They are scripts we have written with the help of others, and then play out with each other, while accepting each other’s roles.
My body and mind have no training in choosing the freer choices, so they have become lazy and well accommodated. I do not want to choose to let go of my personality because then I would have to figure out how I can relate to the world anew.
See this issue this way: There are many suicides of people that lost their jobs and houses. They could take the opportunity to see what is beyond the need for a job. But they will kill themselves before. I would maybe do the same. My mind is so lazy to the point of preferring self destruction than to accept the freedom in me. How can that be? What can we do about it?
I was on a plane this last week and I am quite phobic about flying. The only thing I wanted the whole flight was to not have to fly ever again. I was thinking of the various ways in which I could go places and not have to fly. I knew this was just my fantasy, nothing could substitute the flight, because places are too far away. Therefore, I changed something in my thoughts. I realized that the best thing that happen to me was that flight. The uncomfortable feeling that it provided me was something that took me completely out of my comfort zone. I was in that flight and I could die. It was the reality. I had no guaranties. I couldn’t say: “oh don’t worry the plain won’t fall”. The acceptance of freedom is accepting that I have no guaranties if I choose an act of freedom I won’t know what will happen.
I have learned from that flight that the fear can be conquered. I started the flight with so much fear that I wanted to vomit and I finish it with great joy (while still in the air). I know that on conquering the pieces of freedom we hold, we become more ourselves. We just need to be able to shake off the laziness that our bodies and minds intend to keep.
Self Growth | Ego Dissolution | Lea Autumn | Spirituality
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